SCENE 1: EXT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE - MORNING

[FX: Loud fountain splashing water. Hundreds of pigeons cooing softly. Big Ben chiming 9:00 AM in distance.]

MISS HIGGINS: Keep your eyes on the pigeon with the slightly brassy sheen near Nelson’s Column, Peter.

PETER: Miss Higgins, they all look identical. They’re grey, they’re eating stray sandwich crumbs, and they’re looking at me with total apathy.

MISS HIGGINS: Look for bird number 407. Its left wing ticks in 3/4 time.

[FX: Metallic WHIRRR-CLICK-CLICK sound coming from under a stone bench.]

PETER: (astonished) Good lord! That bird just emitted a spring gear mechanism sound!

MISS HIGGINS: (handing him a tiny silver key) Precisely. Slide the key under its left wing covert feathers and give it three half-turns. If you fail, the Trafalgar Square naval barometer drops three millibars.

[FX: Rapid metallic spring winding noise. A mechanical COO-COO-COO.]

PETER: Civil service duties were not like this in the brochure.

[FX: FADE OUT]