The Greasy Spoon – 27th March 2026

Bob and Joe discuss the weather, politics, Coventry Market and screen time for little 'uns

—Sodding rain again, Bob. 

—Ah, yeah. Bloody spring has sprung a leak. 

—Tell yer what, it’s bloody cold an’ all, ain’t it? 

—It is. This place will start needing to do bigger mugs. 

—Eh? 

—So we get more hot brew in us. 

—Right, yeah. 

—‘Ere, at long last, they are gonna sort the market ou’ 

—I read that. Good bloody news, tha’. 

—I got some apples the other day. Place looked in a right state.

—Yep. Did yer know it’s listed? 

—Eh? Listed where? Are they selling it? 

—No, yer daft apeth! The market is grade two listed because of ‘ow old it is. 

—When you getting listed, then Joe?

—Fuck off, you. 

—They’re spending a million quid on it. 

—Who? 

—The council, yer numpty. 

—As long as that don’t mean me apples will get dearer. 

—Ha! Did yer see? Tha’ big wuss Starmer? Saying he won’t be pushed around? 

—Hahahaha! What a loser tha’ bloke is. I bet he got pushed around at school. 

—Yeah, imagine? “Oi! Starmer! Give us yer sweets.” He says: “I won’t do it-“ WALLOP! “Here you are, would you like me to get you some more?” 

—Hahahaha!

—‘Ere, Bob? What’s tha’ about screen time for the kiddies? 

—Ah yeah, the government are saying the kids shouldn’t be staring at screens for too long. 

—Ain’t tha’ always been the case? 

—Yeah, me gran used to say: “Come away from tha’ TV, you’ll get square eyes!”

—Yer know the bit that gets me? It says under-fives should be limited to one hour. Under bloody five? Why are they staring at screens at all? 

—It’s all tha’ TokTik and shite like tha’. 

—I think it’s TikTok—

—Whatever, I don’t give a shit. 

—Dunno if under-fives are on tha’, mate. 

—Give ‘em a book, I say. 

—Damn righ’ to that one. 

—Shall we partake of another brew? 

—Oh yes, old boy, I definitely think we should. 

—It’s your round. 

—Ah, bollocks. 

—The posh talk didn’t last long, did it?