The Greasy Spoon - 26th March 2026

Bob and Joe discuss world news, sport and Coventry news

—Well, he can sod off. 

—Who?

—President Trump, the cheeky bugger. 

—Why, wha’s he done now?

—Called our aircraft carriers bloody toys, Bob. I ain’t ‘aving tha’. 

—He’s just annoyed wiv Starmer. 

—Yeah, so am I, but still. 

—I don’t get why he keeps saying Iran is talking and they keep saying they ain’t. 

—Fuck knows. State of it, eh? 

—Hey, remember tha’ City of Culture bollocks? 

—Oh yeah, millions spent on fuck all. 

—Yeah, a ‘juggernaut of incompetence,’ one bloke called it. 

—Sounds about right. 

—But the Labour council used its votes to shut down calls for an enquiry. 

—Tossers. 

—Yeah, fucking shite, they are. Get rid of the buggers, I say. 

—City of Culture, blimey. We’ve got about as much culture as that pigeon out there. 

—‘Ere Joe, I’ve got one I’m bloody confused by. 

—Oh yeah?

—Yeah, why do men wanna run in races for girls an’ tha’? 

—Ah, tricky one, tha’ Bob. 

—Is it me bollocks, like. Blokes compete against blokes. Girls against girls. ‘Ow ‘ard is tha’? 

—Er, well, some blokes think they are girls. 

—Wha’? 

—You ain’t ever gonna get it, Bob. 

—You ain’t kidding. Yampy as fuck. ‘Ow do they—

—Bob? Leave it, it’s complicated. 

—It ain’t yer daft apeth! If yer a bloke, it ain’t righ’ yer compete against girls. Dunno wha’s hard about tha’. 

—Well, anyway the Limpic Committee ‘ave said they’ve sorted it. 

—Bloody good on them. 

—Ha! Did yer know the name of the IOC President? 

—The who, now? 

—The lady wot runs the Limpics. 

—Oh, no, what’s her name?

—Yer gonna love this… 

—Go on?

—Kirsty Coventry. 

—Get away!

—Yep, tha’s her name, right enough. 

—Top lass. 

—Yeah.

—Righ’, we ‘aving another one?

—Yeah, and get a packet of them shortbread biscuits will yer? 

—Righto.